So my husband has been bugging me since it's been FOREVER since I've written here...

I had my first appointment for baby #5 last Thursday 5/20. I was really nervous about going. I had the appointment all figured out before I went. Thank the Lord, it didn't quite go as I had planned. The nurse educator had all the information on Gabriel so I didn't have to go into too much detail which I was very thankful about. She did say how sorry she was and she really seemed sincere which was sweet. Not too far into the appt. she got the doppler out to hear baby's heartbeat. She had the little thing moving all over my belly...I was getting very nervous and was thinking ok, well, if there's no heartbeat then the next step will be...that's when she said, "just because I can't find it, doesn't mean it's not there." Then all of a sudden there it was. In the 160's. I was relieved. After that appt. my Mother-in-law took me maternity clothes shopping and got me a couple of things! So sweet of her and it made me feel so good! :)

Then on Monday I had my first midwife appointment with the same midwife who delivered Gabriel. She was happy to see me again and was very nice. I got to hear baby's heartbeat again and that was nice. My midwife said my uteris was measuring bigger than 13 weeks (which is how far along I am). I was thinking...twins? That would be super! And it does run in the family... My midwife didn't seem too concerned so we'll find out for sure...for sure...later! However we did only hear one heartbeat so maybe baby is a big baby like I was...just ask my mom! :)

My belly is growing and with it my excitement is also growing. Just hearing that little heartbeat...

But I still think of Gabriel, everday. I miss him, still cry for him, still wish he was here. Still grieving...

We're thinking of visiting his gravesite on Friday. Bringing him a pinwheel...

A prayer request please. I learned that a guy I went to highschool with, lost his 3 year old daughter to an accident. And I feel for their family because I understand what it's like to have to bury your child. My heart truly goes out to them. Please pray for them. Thanks!

Last time our griefshare group got together we got to do a project together. We painted rocks. We were to paint a word or something that was meaningful to us. This is what I painted: