6 months

Can you believe it has been 6 months already? That's 6 months since my son, Gabriel was born. 6 months ago when I had to say "good-bye" to him before I could say "hello".
My grief has changed. I don't cry so much anymore. But I still think of him most days.
Today though, I just really miss him. Oh how I wish I could hold him in my arms and give him a kiss. (Now, I'm making myself cry...) But with grief, I expect times like these when it's a little harder and when I miss him a little more.
However, I do have a lot going on in my life right now which helps with the "moving on" part of it.
I am 10 weeks pregnant today and so hoping this baby lives. I really don't want to have to say good-bye to this one as well as the others. But my trust is in God and that He has everything under control. No matter what happens I know, with Him, I can get through anything.
We are also in the middle of trying to buy a piece of property to move our house onto. It's a beautiful 11 acres with a barn and some out buildings. We are hoping everything will go through and we're able to close by May 20. This is something we've always wanted to do and something we've often prayed about.
I just feel a sense of God wanting to bless us right now and this is another blessing for us.
So please, still keep us in your prayers as we are still grieving the loss of our son and please pray that everything with our property situation goes smoothly. And with the new baby, that no matter what happens, my trust will still be in God and his goodness.
We are looking forward to a great 2010 full of hope, joy, and new life.
Thank you always for walking along with me in my grief and praying for us continually. Love you all!

Sorry to all my faithful blog readers...I haven't written here in some time...So here I am to catch up!

Last week was a wonderful week for me. A girlfriend of mine that I hadn't seen in 5 years was able to come down for the week and spend some time with me. I have to say that God really has blessed me with her friendship. What an amazing woman of God. I was so encouraged just talking with her. We had a ton of fun.
We went down to the Coast and spent some time with ladies from the griefshare group I've been attending. The beach was just beautiful! We came home on Wednesday. We spent most of Thursday talking and then she took us out for dinner that evening. YUM! After dinner we came back home and I showed her pictures of Gabriel and some of the keepsakes from the hospital, items I have left to remember him by. We ended up staying up until about 4am Friday morning just talking. On Friday afternoon, I introduced her to my favorite dessert, Creme Brulee, since she had never had it before. After dessert we went and visited the cemetary where Gabriel is buried. I got to see the new marker. It's very nice! I then had to see her off at the train station. I wish she could have stayed longer but we're really going to try to get together again this summer. Hoping we won't let 5 years go by again! And by the way, she is also pregnant! She is due mid-October. How exciting for us! :)

I have really been feeling blessed lately. The returning of JOY! I have this feeling that God really wants to bless us. This feeling that He's proud of us or is delighting in us. Even though I know I screw up all the time, He is so forgiving and still delights in me. What an amazing thought. It almost makes me want to cry.

Speaking of crying, I was thinking about my precious baby boy last night and cried. It's been a while since I last cried so it was due time... :) A good cry. Just a cry because I miss him.

I bought a few new "praise and worship" cd's and there is one song in peticular that I've labeled as "my song" so I'd like to share the lyrics with you. The group is "Ten Shekel Shirt" and the song is on the album "Much".

"Ocean"

"Lately I've been thinkin' about You
And lately I've been dreaming of You
And lately I can't get You ouf of my head
Get You out of my head

Something about the ocean
Makes me rise up and praise
Something about the heavens
Makes me stand in awe again
Something about the sunrise
Reminds me of Your faithfulness
Something about the ocean (Your presence)
And I'm lost in love again

I'll sing until I sense a smile
Upon Your great and lovely face
And till I know Your glory's in this place
Your glory's in this place"

There are some other great songs on that same album. Maybe I'll include some more on here.

The verse that has been on my mind and in my heart lately is Jeremiah 29:11 The verse that has been turned into a prayer. "For You know the plans You have for me, Lord. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future."