The dreaded question...

So it happened today. That dreaded question! "So how is the new baby?" And instant heart break.
I was dumbfounded and said "What?" "What baby?"
She said "You're new baby?"
My heart began to race. Then I told her. "He didn't make it."
She felt terrible and the "I'm sorrys" began. I told her what happened.
I was at work at the time but not in the department I usually work in. After I got back to my department, I stayed in the back for a while and cried.
Having to tell someone I buried my son just really sucked!

After my cry session I got back to work and eventually went on my lunch break. I've been reading a wonderful book my girlfriend gave me. Thanks Bri! :) It's written by our "good friend" Beth Moore. "Praying God's Word" Breaking free from spiritual strongholds If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, for anyone, no matter your circumstances.
I was reading the "Overcoming Unforgiveness" which is super important to becoming free and being more like Christ which is what I'm striving for even though I totally mess up all the time! Thank the Lord he is so easily forgiving when forgiving can be so hard for me at times.
Here's a prayer that stood out to me:

"Your ways are not my ways, Lord God. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are Your ways higher than mine. (Isa. 55:8-9) I may not always understand Your ways, Lord, but they are always prosperous.
(Ps. 10:5) Your ways are always righteous. (Ps. 77:13) Your ways are loving and faithful. (Ps. 25:10) I have considered my ways, Lord. (Ps. 119:59) I choose Yours instead. Keep me from deceitful ways. (Ps. 119:29) Lord God, help me to walk in Your ways. (Ps. 119:3)"

So the Lord brought a few people to mind that I need to forgive. Even the random people who cut me off in traffic when there's tons of space behind me. Some customers at work. And some others.
So this forgiveness "stuff" has been a recurring theme in my journey and probably will be for a long time.

The Lord has also been putting the issue of trust on my heart. Trusting in Him. It seems so simple right? Not always the case for me. It's letting go and letting God which is hard for my personality. I like to be in control and putting my WHOLE trust in God is honestly hard for me. However, things always seem to go better when God is in control rather than us, right? :)

I've been having such a strong desire to be pregnant again and want to try to give Halayna a little brother or sister or both. And when I think about it, the enemy reminds me of my fear of losing another baby. But then God says "Trust in Me." "Give me your fears."
So it's trusting in Him, when I'm full of joy or in my deepest of sorrows.
Trust in Him. God of the Universe. God of all creation. Omnipotent God. Trust Him.

Here's my prayer request for you. :) Please pray about my desire to be pregnant again. And let me know if the Holy Spirit tells you something to tell me. I have been praying about it too but I would like others to interceed for me as well! Thank you for your faithfulness in praying for me and my family.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfullness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass."
Psalm 37:3-5