Lonliness...

It is the last week of February and I know a few girls that are due to have their babies any day now or has had them without me knowing. It is also the week I would have been due with my third child. And I feel so alone. Here I am mourning the death of my child while they are joyously awaiting the birth of their's. I'm the only one that some people know that has lost a baby in their third trimester. I'm THAT person. And it sucks so much! How I wish so badly I was one of those women having a baby.

I was taking a shower tonight, letting the hot water beat down on my sore back from a very productive day at work. I like to pray and talk to God in the shower and cry too. I told Him how I was feeling. The lonliness I've been feeling. He reminds me His son died also. And that I have Him. He knows how I'm feeling. Yes, it would be nice to have someone in the flesh telling me everything I want to hear and to hug me and actually feel the ache in my heart.

So I was reminded of the book I've been reading...remember? The Beth Moore one. Well, there's a section in there called "Overcoming Despair Resulting From Loss". Written for me I suppose. :) So I turned to it and started reading some prayers.

"I cry to You, Lord, in my trouble. Save me from my distress. (Ps. 107:13)"

"I choose to cast my cares on You, Lord, and You will sustain me. (Ps. 55:22)"

"You say to me, Lord, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Your power may rest on me. (2 Cor. 12:9)"

"You, O God, will never leave me. Never will You forsake me. (Heb. 13:5) You are the only absolute guarantee I have in all of life. Help me cling to the one thing I can never lose."

The encouragement in the scriptures gives me comfort and peace. And the Lord is sustaining me. Through every cry in the shower, cry at work, cry in my car for no apparent reason, through every envyous thought, through the outbursts of anger, through every emotion related to grief, through the lonliness, through the breaking of my heart, through the feeling of emptiness in my arms. He is sustaining me.

"Praise be to You, the God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts me in all my troubles, so that I can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort I myself have received from God. (2 Cor. 1:3-4) You, Lord, are the only One who can turn my misery into ministry."